


Broken Mirrors and Shattered Hearts

by Eliizabethx



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: (not the nice kind), A Series of Progressively Displeasing Events, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Feeling of Displacement, Feelings, Grief/Mourning, HE AIN'T EVEN DEAD, Heartache, Heartbreak, Reflection, but he may as well be ;-;, my poor baby why do I do this to my children?, y'all know what happens ;-;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliizabethx/pseuds/Eliizabethx
Summary: "Her mind remained chaotic, even as her chin raised and her back straightened. These shemlen she was headed for could claim her future, but she would always be Dalish, and she would never bow for them.
   Not even at her weakest." Mila Mahariel has loved and lost, and she's not a fan of it.





	1. The Begininning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> The events of the Mahariel Origin basically.  
> I'm sorry, I hate writing summaries, so you get a snippet from the fic for the description instead.

She could see the excitement shine in his eyes when he looked into the cave, "Looks like the shems were telling the truth." 

Always one for an adventure or a new discovery, and always one to drag her along with him, not that she did much to dissuade him of the habit. 

"Looks that way." She was not nearly as enthusiastic as he in the find. "And that's what worries me. We've traveled these woods dozens of times over, and I've never seen this before." 

She didn't even need to look to know he was rolling his eyes at her. She had always been the more cautious of the two, and he the more reckless. 

Thankfully whenever they were together they seemed to temper one another; she loosened and relaxed, allowed herself to feel more than think. Tamlen was calmer and tried to think rationally, instead of relying on his impulses, and he was always more careful with her so that he didn't push her boundaries. 

"Oh come on Mila, you know you're curious." He leaned up against the mouth of the cave, crossing his arms against his chest casually. The corners of his mouth twitched as he restrained a smile when he saw the exasperated look she shot him. "Look, I promise if we find anything that we can't handle we'll go to the Keeper, okay?" 

She still looked skeptic even as Tamlen reached out to gently grip her waist and pull her over to him. "Mila, ma vhenan," he cajoled, pecking her on the cheek as he held her close, "when have I ever gotten us into trouble?" She leaned her head back to fully see him. 

One of her brows rose incredulously. "Is that a serious question?" She asked dryly, a small sly smile curving her lips. That smile always got his heart beating just a little faster. 

"It was a rhetorical question actually." She didn't seem surprised but allowed herself to be pulled back into him, even kissing him back when he placed a tender kiss on her lips. 

"I can't believe you're trying to seduce me to get your way," she mumbled against his lips, trying not to smile. 

"Well it's working isn't it?" He laughed happily, leaving a last kiss on her jaw before folding her to his chest. 

She rolled her eyes and settled her head on his shoulder. "You and I both know that you would have gotten your way without it." 

"True. After all, I am quite the charmer.." She gently bit his neck at the remark, smiling when he laughed again. "But this way seemed like more fun." 

With a sigh she pulled herself from him and gestured towards the cave. "Let's get this over with." 

"You'll see, it'll be fine. Besides, how dangerous could it be, we aren't some unarmed shems." He took her hand and lead her past the mouth of the cave. "Plus maybe this way the Keeper will forgive me for... Well, you know." 

She leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you again for that," she whispered. 

He blushed as he usually did at her more innocent affection. 

"Of course, you know I'd do anything for you." The smile he gave her was the one he saved just for her, the one filled with affection and love. 

"Except leave mysterious caves alone, of course?" 

"Of course. That should go without saying, obviously." 

~ 

"What was that thing?!" Mila stood panting and bloody over the corpse of the strange mutated creature that had attacked them. 

Tamlen was in no better shape, bent at the waist with his hands braced on his knees. "I have no idea, it _looked_ like a bear." 

"Not one that I've ever seen!" She snapped before apologizing nearly immediately after. "Can we go get the Keeper now?" She asked, walking over to where he now stood braced against the wall next to the door the _bear_ had come out of. 

"Don't be ridiculous, we handled it didn't we?" He was still breathing heavily when he hooked an arm around her shoulders and she sagged against his side. "I said we'd go if we couldn't handle things." 

She glared up at him, muttering, "I hate you." 

He chuckled, standing straight from the wall and taking her with him. "Love you too." 

~ 

The mirror was massive and beautiful, and it immediately put Mila on alert, setting off every one of her warning bells. Her instincts screamed at her to stay back, to get her and Tamlen away from the ancient thing. 

To _leave_ and never return. 

"What do you think the writing says?" 

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, not entirely willing to take her gaze off the object in front of them, but increasingly worried by the almost entranced expression he wore. 

"I'm sure the Keeper would know. We should go and get her, she'll be thrilled with the find." She phrased her words carefully, trying to pull him from the mirror. 

"In a minute, I just want to get a closer look at this writing," he said absent mindedly, already stepping closer to the mirror. 

She approached more cautiously, staying close to Tamlen should she need to physically pull him from the blasted thing. 

She threaded her fingers through his, gripping his hand tightly. The action seemed to bring him back to the present a bit as he looked down to their hands. When he looked back at the mirror he seemed less enchanted with it, a confused frown now marring his face. 

"Odd that it isn't broken like everything else, especially with that bear lumbering around..." He gripped her hand tightly, beginning to step back from the mirror and shaking his head slightly as though he were trying to un-fog it. Mila didn't think he was aware of the action. "Maybe this isn't- hey, did you see that?" 

He released her hand and instead of backing away he stepped closer, peering closely at the glass as if searching for something. "I think something moved inside the mirror." 

To say she was alarmed was an understatement, she grabbed Tamlen's arm, glancing between him and the mirror while trying to pull him away. He was almost a head taller than her and a warrior to her rogue though. Needless to say she barely moved him an inch. 

"Tamlen, get away from it.." 

"I just want to know what it is. Don't you see it? There it is again." He stepped forward again, as if he wasn't even fully aware of her on his arm. 

"Tamlen..." She pleaded, pulling more insistently. 

He didn't seem to hear her. "Can you feel that? I think it knows we're here. I just need to take a closer look..." 

"Tamlen, vhenan... Please!" She was desperate now, pulling and pushing just to get him away from the damned thing. 

He didn't even flinch, as if she wasn't even there. He went on to speak of the mirror showing him things and places, and a "great darkness". 

His eyes widened suddenly, before he spoke in a panicked voice. "It... It saw me! I can't look away!" 

"TAMLEN!" Mila shouted at him, a sudden pulsing coming from the mirror. 

Of course it was only then that he finally heard her. He turned towards her immediately, looking almost more panicked than he had before. The mirror gave a harsh pulse that made her stomach turn violently, and Tamlen pushed her back and away from him just as a blinding white light burst out from the mirror. 

...   
And then there was nothing. 


	2. A Blighted Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She dreamt of life_  
>  And her dreams turned to poison  
> In her throat,  
>  _Choking her with the taste of death._

She dreamt, and her dreams at first were filled with her memories, her memories of her and Tamlen specifically. 

Scenes from their childhood progressing through to their present, happy, smiling, laughing, always together. 

She watched as they went from simply friends to something more, and from something more to lovers. Every kiss, embrace, and caress, every breath and gasp, every touch they ever shared, playing out before her. It was when her memories took her to their adventures that her dreams changed for the worse. 

It was sudden blackness and coldness, she could feel her fear as the emptiness, the nothingness weighed on her. It was deep and dark, and there was something that pulled her farther into it, some kind of sound or voice that she couldn't hear, but that she could _feel_ pulling at the edges of her mind, trying to lure her. 

The next thing she felt was heat, _too_ much heat, she was _so_ hot, she felt as though she were burning. She could feel it in her veins, and then there was pain, a searing, bubbling, intrusive pain that she could feel crawling through her veins, in every part of her body. 

But before she fully even processed it she was cold. No more heat, only bitter coldness, so cold that she couldn't even focus on the pain anymore. 

She felt as though she were freezing, she felt as though her teeth should have been chattering, her entire body was stiff and unresponsive. She began thinking that the cold may yet kill her before whatever the other pain was, she was just so cold, she could barely think of anything except for it, even the burning she decided, was better than the cold. 

Just as she felt herself slipping back into that dark place, back into the empty nothingness that she still feared so much, it suddenly stopped. The cold evaporated and the pain subsided, she could still feel it churning under the surface, just waiting to surge back up, but for the moment it was still. 

With her peace temporarily restored she let herself fall into unconsciousness and let her dreaming take center stage again. 

~ 

Her head was killing her, had been since she'd finished talking with the Keeper, but she needed to find Tamlen, she _needed_ to see him and hold him and feel him, to know that he was okay. 

"We never should have gone in the cave.." She muttered to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why only the first and last part of the description is italicized, but it looks kinda cool so... /Shrug  
> What did you think of my take on Blight poisoning?


	3. Breaking and Remaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stranger's face, with familiar eyes...  
> Is it worth it?

According to Duncan they were about a day from Ostagar now, and that was when she finally cracked. 

He had just finished saying that they would set a camp for the night soon, and it just seemed to suddenly strike her cheek and kick her in her gut.. that it was gone. 

Her life as she'd envisioned was _gone._ No, more than that... It was dead. 

That woman was gone, everything that woman ever even cared about was gone. 

She fell to her knees on the road, her face worryingly blank and emotionless, even as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

It was gone, it was all gone. Everything she had ever known was gone, out of her reach, likely for the rest of her time in this world.. However long that would be. 

Her friends, her mentors, her Keeper, her _clan._  

Her sweet Tamlen. 

It was all gone. She was alone. 

A _savage_ going to make comrades out of shemlen, play acting that she was one of _them_ to fit into this new world order she had been thrust into. 

She was alone with naught but a strange shem as company, facing the realization that she had become a stranger to herself in a world already strange enough to her, and she was _scared_. 

Scared of the realization, scared of the changes, scared of the Wardens, scared of Ostagar... 

She was scared of her grief. 

Scared because she knew, that if she was grieving than at least some small part of her had accepted this strange new life was her reality. 

She didn't want to accept some stranger's life, she didn't want to grieve. 

She wanted to go home. 

To the warmth of the fires, the stories, the hunts, the laughter. 

She would have given anything to go back to those nights by the fire, Tamlen's arm curled around her, keeping her snug at his side while they listened to the Hahren weave his stories. Their legs pressed together and their free hands comfortably clasped in each other's, heads bowed as they listened to the words and their own breathing. 

Those nights under the stars, close enough to the clan to not be reckless, but far enough that they could make their own world for the night. Curled up together under blankets and furs brought from their bedrolls, their skin warm under each other's hands. Sometimes grasping and clutching as they gasped, moaned, kissed.. other times simply mapping the feel and shape, caressing over every scar and blemish, every freckle and mole, feeling each dip and curve. 

She remembers nights and days alike, full of kisses and warm touches. 

His fingers sliding through her hair in affection, her mouth kissing each finger on his hands and placing a single kiss on each wrist after he'd been careless while skinning a rabbit, his lips tracing the shape of her collarbones  and shoulders in the night after a close call with a poorly shot arrow, her hand brushing down his jaw and neck in gentle reassurance. 

She keenly felt her sorrow, as every deafening thud of her heart oozed more of it into her chest, leaving it tight and burning and forcing the sour, bitter taste of heartache and regret up her throat. 

Oh she missed her heart, and she missed her friends, her family. Almost as keenly as she missed Tamlen, she missed the only mother she had ever known. Her only comfort was knowing that she was alive and healthy with the clan the last time she had seen her. 

A heavy hand fell on her shoulder and she looked up to see the man that had become her leader, a kind man perhaps, but still a shem. One she knew very little about, and one she would have walked away from the second they were on the road, if only she'd had a clan or anyone else to go back to. 

She knew she couldn't risk spreading the disease she bore to her family, and it was the only thing that made her leave them. Even now, the only reason she remained with the Warden was because of her adoptive mother's insistence that she live, in anyway she could, even if that meant becoming a Grey Warden. 

She watched the shem unflinchingly as he took his hand back, apparently wise enough to know there were no words needed in that moment. 

She rose to her feet, face still smooth and emotionless, her eyes dry, but her mind and heart far from anything near composed. Her feet were forced to move forward by pride and will alone as she began following him again. 

Her mind remained chaotic, even as her chin raised and her back straightened. These shemlen she was headed for could claim her future, but she would always be Dalish, and she would never bow for them. 

Not even at her weakest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!  
> This is the first thing I've finished in months thank to a nasty case of writer's block, and I'm very pleased with how it turned out. ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Elvhen translations-  
> Shem/Shemlen - Human/Humans  
> Ma vhenan - My heart  
> ~~~  
> Sorry for the weird, short chapters, it was written all in one document but looked wrong when I put it like that here.  
> It wasn't really giving it the feel I was going for, so hopefully this helps.  
> (Let me know if you see any spelling issues, please, and any comments are always welcome and appreciated~!)
> 
> As always, if you'd like to know more about Mila you can ask me questions on my Tumblr, [ElvhenWitch](http://www.elvhenwitch.tumblr.com), or check out my inspiration blog, [Lady-Azariah](http://lady-azariah.tumblr.com/tagged/Mila-Mahariel).


End file.
